The Escape Hatch

This is the second of a two-part post.  Last week’s post was titled “You Can’t Do It Yourself.”  Yeah, I suppose I can see the irony in that.

But in reality, what I’m talking about isn’t as much at odds with my prior post as one might assume.  Last week, I talked about needing friends to help you succeed.  When I say “Do it yourself,” what I’m really referring to is taking the initiative to conceive, pursue and implement your grand ideas rather than leaving them in the hands of the boys in charge or leaving them up to chance.  So, technically, friends can come in handy for that, too.  Maybe you just can’t do it all by yourself.

This past week, I shot a music video.  My music video.  Move over, Rihanna.

It was a parody I wrote a year or two ago, and after months of alternating stages of figuratively and literally sitting on my ass, submitting for auditions and not getting calls, I finally decided to take matters into my own hands.

Many of those same, wonderful friends that I raved about in last week’s post were my heroes again for this project.  They lent their on-screen and off-screen talents so that I could make this little pet of mine a reality, and while editing has not yet begun, I am certain that all will be more than satisfied with the finished product.

The fact is that there are 70 billion people on Earth now.  If you’re an actor, for example, that means that for the average audition, a producer or casting director is seeing upwards of 42,000 actors for each role.  Your odds of a call-back are only about 1 in 10,000, and your only chance of booking depends on your level of attractiveness and willingness to perform various sexual acts.

All right – I’ll admit that my statistics are perhaps a bit skewed and maybe not rooted wholly in actual data.  But you get the gist.  And it’s a similar story across the board, whether you’re a performing artist looking to snag a part or whether you’re just trying to nail down a 9-to-5.  There are too many cooks and too few kitchens.  So now, more than ever, you just have to get out there and do it yourself.

And believe me – not only will you see your dream project come to life, but it will be all the more gratifying to have achieved it all by your lonesome.  And if it sucks, it will still be underground enough that you’ll be able to hide it away in the proverbial closet.

You can follow Todd and read more about his progress on his blog: www.discardthelard.blogspot.com.  You can also check out his novel ‘The Wellspring’ at www.thewellspringbook.com.

I was recently asked, as an exercise, to envision “a day in the life of me,” 10 years from now.  Sounds easy and fun, right?  It was meant to be.  But oh lordy was it difficult.

My first instinct was to FREAK OUT.  I don’t know what I want!  I don’t know where I’ll want to live by then or what I’ll be doing or if I’ll be married or to whom or anything!!!  And even when I assured myself the whole point of it is to create your best life, in your imagination, I then freaked out about – what if I pick the wrong stuff!?  I might enjoy this but I might also enjoy that – which one should I pick??!  What if I pick the wrong one!!??  My brain was on overdrive & I swear steam was pouring out of my ears.

STOP.  Breathe…

Way to go, me.  I neurotic’d all the fun out of that exercise.  Reverse, back it up.  No need to be critical, self.  Let’s just start at the beginning.  What do I know, for sure, that I want in my life?  What are my basic needs?

Joy.  Creativity.  Love.  Balance.  Home.  Adventure.  OK let’s go from there.

I don’t know exactly where I want to live, but I know it needs to be cozy and full of sunshine.  It should be close enough to an urban center to get lost in the city, but far enough away that its quiet and safe.  I want to love where I live.  Already my mind is calmer, and begins to create a fuzzy picture of a home full of soft blankets and flowers and a butt-wagging, lick-happy puppy.

I don’t know what I want to do, but I know it needs to be actively creative.  I would like to make my own schedule and be able to work while traveling.  I want to collaborate to make art and to create things I’m proud of.  I must be able to balance it with a healthy home life and time for relaxation.  And the fuzzy picture of home expands to include a studio office filled with inspiring things and a calendar of interesting assignment deadlines.

And I went through each aspect of my future, gently defining and building on that fuzzy mental picture, until it felt so real I could almost smell the fresh-cut grass of my future lawn.  I created an entire day, a delicious, fulfilling, full-of-joy-and-love day that the me in 10 years will experience.  By feeling it minute-by-minute instead of just in broad brushstrokes, I brought it to life and it seems so attainable.  Just around the corner!  And it gave me chills – good chills – and I realized, I DO know what I want.  I don’t know how to get there & it may not be weighted by specifics, but that’s ok.  Deep down, I know the life I want and I can work towards that.  And that, in this time of uncertainty, felt really good.

Have you ever thought about a day in the life of your future self?  If the path you’re on now, stretched out 10 years, feels depressing and discouraging, or if the idea of where you’ll be in 10 years feels terrifyingly unknown, sit down and imagine one perfect day in your future life.  I think that you, like me, will find the big dreams feel more achievable when seen in a lovely day-to-day context.

To follow Nikki as her future life unfolds and expands, check out www.gratefulsparrow.blogspot.com.  She also writes for www.stratejoy.com/blog.

The Grateful Sparrow

This is the first of a two-part post.  Next week’s post will be titled “Do It Yourself.”  Probably the first in a string of deliberately infuriating contradictions in which I take particular delight.

Last week was the final round of the stand-up contest that I wrote about previously.  From an initial pool of about 70 comics, roughly 20 had the chance to perform for a shot at the prize money.  And… (drum roll)… I won it!

I do honestly (and admittedly without any degree of humility) believe I was the funniest one there.  However, thanks to my fabulously supportive and enduringly loyal circle of friends and fellow artists, I’ll never know.

Why?  Because the contest was based on audience vote, and I had put the asses of 44 personal groupies in the seats.

This rallying show of support was truly astounding.  I was bowled over by the number of people who were not only turning up to root me on, but to pay a $10 door charge and two-item minimum!  Asking that of people in Los Angeles is like soliciting J.D. Salinger for an autograph!  (Incidentally, the famously reclusive Salinger has been even more unapproachable than usual since his death earlier this year)

When I look back on my eight years here, I sometimes wonder how many missed opportunities I have let slip through my fingers, what heights I might have reached if I had plunged in without hesitation or deliberation from the moment of my arrival in the city.  I am often tempted to view those eight years as something of a waste.  But nights like this one make me realize how much I have accomplished, even while seemingly doing very little.

I have built up a network of incredible friends – friends who would do anything (non-life-threatening) for me, friends who have been there for my lows, and will be there for my present and upcoming highs.  Now that I am finally pouring myself into my work – my real work, the work I came out here to do – it is becoming readily apparent how big a part these friends will play in any success I may experience.

As much as you may want to get by on your own laurels, as much as you may think of calling in a personal favor as a shortcut, you need to get that idea right out of your head.  This is a town – and a world – where no one can do it themselves.

Check back next week – I’ll tell you how to do it yourself.

You can follow Todd and read more about his progress on his blog: www.discardthelard.blogspot.com.  You can also check out his novel ‘The Wellspring’ at www.thewellspringbook.com.

I don’t write a lot of short stories or magazine articles – mainly novels.  So each time I put myself and my work out there, I’m basically putting a ton of eggs in a very small basket.

It’s been a long time since I regularly submitted my writing for publication.  I’ve never been very good about it.  Each time I complete a project, I get so excited about my next big thing that I generally abandon the first one.  My works continue to gather dust, and those who might actually be in a position to help me never have the opportunity to lay eyes on them.

But, like everything else in my life, I’m trying to correct that shortcoming this year.  Since the time that I finally finished up the query letter and synopsis for my latest novel, I have been religiously submitting to at least one literary agent every day.

It feels damn good to be that productive and consistent.  Just knowing that there are 21, now 22, now 23 possibilities out there that someone is going to call me up and say: “sold!” makes the entire process that much more bearable.  Because, as much as I love to write, I really would love it more if someone paid me.

This past week, I got my first rejection letter.  My reaction?  I smiled.

It’s not my first rejection letter ever, but it’s my first in a long time.  And I haven’t gotten many.  I’m still unpublished, so this is a direct reflection on how few times I have submitted.  I recognize that rejections are just a part of the game, and I don’t take it personally.  Maybe they can’t take on any new clients at this time, maybe it’s not the genre they’re looking for, maybe they’re going out of business and don’t want to advertise that just yet… there are so many reasons other than the notion that they didn’t care for the material that you just simply can’t let it get to you.

And I don’t.  Getting this rejection said to me, “I’m doing it.  My work is circulating out there in the world.  People are reading my stuff.”

Sure – I’d rather they loved it and offered me a 10-book publishing deal.  But sometimes just knowing that you’re doing what you’re supposed to, regardless of the end result, is a triumph in and of itself.

You can follow Todd and read more about his progress on his blog: www.discardthelard.blogspot.com.  You can also check out his novel ‘The Wellspring’ at www.thewellspringbook.com.

What is it about fear that has us running for the hills?  Hiding under the covers of mediocrity?  or drowning in a sea of unrealized potential?

I think FDR was onto something when he said “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself”…when you really think about that its true!  Its the feeling of fear that is paralyzing, leading us onto many paths of least resistance.  Its that icky feeling in the gut…the questioning, the self doubts the perceived criticisms all rolled up into one terrifying adrenaline-laced mania…and its no fun!

But if we learn to use this feeling to fuel us instead of frighten us we can make powerful strides.  I was just talking to the wonderful Nathan Hangen about fear a couple of weeks ago and what a powerful motivator it can be.  If you learn to accept that fear comes with the territory, that its part of your dna to suspect things you don’t know or situations you don’t have control over, then you can make it your friend.  Its sort of like knowing you will have sore legs post work out if you haven’t been on the tread mill for a long time…you know its going to happen and you might dread it, but you still find the motivation to exercise anyway.

The next time you are faced with a scary and fearful situation, take a minute to bring yourself fully conscious into the moment and fully experience what it feels like.  Then dissect it a bit, break it down into its components…ask yourself if all you fear is really true or likely?

For instance, I’ll use my stage fright as an example.  Before I go onto stage I get nervous, agitated and scared…why?  Well, sometimes its because I’m afraid I will forget my lines…but if I ask myself how likely that is based on the fact that I have been rehearsing for weeks and have been fully in control of my lines for a while now – I can guesstimate that it probably won’t happen.  Well, what if it still does?  Then I ask myself, what is the worst that can happen?  I can think up something, I can rely on my partner to take the scene and move it forward, in fact in all of our rehearsals where one of us forgot a line – we did just that and guess what?  The world is still rotating on its axis…it didn’t come to an end!  If you start to address your fears one by one not only will it take your mind off the fact that you are fearful to begin with, but it will calm you by forcing you to remember that yo have prepared for this or that you have a right to be just where you are.

Now, its your turn:   think about ways you can take those fearful feelings and thoughts and use the FOR you instead of letting them work AGAINST you…I think with a little ingenuity you just might surprise yourself!

Let me know how it goes!

Escape Hatcher

Making decisions has always been tough for me.  I’m a very analytical person; I see all sides of a debate and I weigh my options thoroughly.  Whatever the decision is, I ask as many people as I can, I make pro and con lists, I can’t turn my brain off at night as it weighs the options back and forth, back and forth.

But lately, the decisions I make have been overruled by the Universe’s grander scheme (or random opportunities, whichever way you choose to see it), and although I’ve made the decision to follow along wherever this takes me, it means letting go of control and leaving a lot of decision making to chance.  Which gets me feeling all anxious down in my belly, and sets my mind whirring with possible outcomes, and how to prepare for them.

But you can’t prepare for the unknown.  You just have to trust and to know that, even if the worst happens, you’ll get through it, and remember that by keeping open to it, the very best might happen; the possibilities are endless.

This week, I finally got off my friends couches and moved into a room in a house on a month-to-month lease.  Even though I don’t know how long I’ll be living here, I’m sick of being transitional (technically, I’ve been homeless for over a month) and want to make this room feel like my home.  The easiest way to do that is by painting, but paint can get expensive and money is super tight right now.  Instead of thinking of reasons why I can’t do what I want, I started to think outside the box.  How can I make this happen on the cheap?

My mom has always said: if you don’t ask for what you want, how do you expect to get it?  Sound advice.  So, I emailed a friend who owns a beautiful house, and asked him if he had any leftover interior paint I could use, any color.  He did, and was happy to give it to me, along with primer and a paint roller.  I knew it was a very light color, but I had no clue what it’d look like on my walls.  I didn’t stress about it; I trusted it’d be fine.  I then went to the hardware store & asked if they do samples of paint.  They do, for $2.50.  I picked the first turquoise I saw (I’ve wanted turquoise windowsills for a long time, don’t ask me why) and bought a sample of it.  I had no clue how the colors would look together.  I trusted it’d be fine.

The paint was just enough for my room, with a little leftover for touchups.  And it is a lovely light lilac; I would never have picked it out, but it’s absolutely the perfect color for me.  It looks wonderful with the random turquoise I bought, which was more than enough paint for the room’s accents.  I couldn’t be happier with the results, I probably spent a total of $10 on the whole room, and it all just came from letting go of control.  I chose to make the least amount of decisions possible and to trust what comes to me, and it all worked out better than I could’ve planned.

Now, if I can only get myself to face all decisions this way…

To follow Nikki as she decides not to decide… just yet… check out www.gratefulsparrow.blogspot.com.  She also writes for www.stratejoy.com/blog.

The Grateful Sparrow

I know what you’re thinking.  You can’t ‘make’ inspiration.  That goes against the very meaning of the word.  By definition, inspiration has to arrive organically and without design.

Au contraire, mon ami.

One week ago today (as of the writing of this post), I lay in bed for hours on end, my mind in a whirl, as is my usual custom.  I had been lately pondering what my next writing project would be, and there had been a multitude of ideas swimming around my head, but I still hadn’t happened upon ‘the one.’

Unable to sleep, I decided not to wait around for inspiration to strike.  Rather, I would strike it, instead.

I decided that I wanted to write something different – a psychological thriller, perhaps, maybe something with sci-fi elements – in a nutshell, something very unlike me.  But I didn’t want to do just some ordinary, run-of-the-mill Hollywood sell-out flick.  I wanted to do something original, something imaginative and innovative, something with teeth.

So I started to research unexplained phenomena.  There had to be something out there that had been untapped by the film industry.  There would be no aliens or ghosts, no wormholes or fourth dimensions or alternate universes in this one.  Something that the rest of the world had overlooked as valuable material for a work of fiction.  Something…

And then I found it.  It was glorious, and it was perfect.  And I soon afterward came up with – in my opinion, at least – a brilliant way to build a story around it.  I researched the topic’s presence in media – barely a reference.  Small story on Unsolved Mysteries, brief mention on The X-Files. No films.  No one I’ve asked about it has even heard of it before.  How could a subject this ripe for dramatic interpretation have gone unexploited?

Suddenly, I was more motivated and inspired than I have been in years.  Here I sit, seven days later, and I have churned out nearly 90 pages – three-quarters of a complete feature-length script.  I haven’t enjoyed the act of writing this much since I was 15 years old.  To be fantastically cheesy, the writer in me has been born anew.

What is this idea, you ask?  Well, of course I can’t tell you.  Not until I’ve registered with the WGA and Copyright Office.  Not that I don’t trust you.

The point is – you absolutely can make inspiration happen.  It just takes a tiny bit of perspiration.

You can follow Todd and read more about his progress on his blog: www.discardthelard.blogspot.com.  You can also check out his novel ‘The Wellspring’ at www.thewellspringbook.com.

I had a breakthrough last week. I realized that I have a set of perceived limits, leading me to imagine what I can and cannot do. I know what is reasonable for me, being able to visualize myself already doing what I have planned. If my plan is to produce a certain amount of artwork a week, I will usually go for at least one that I know I can complete. This can be both a benefit and a hindrance. I will explain now why it has been a hindrance in my entrepreneurial journey.

If I already know what I can do and I know what I cannot do, than I am already limiting my potential. I am not actually pushing myself beyond what I have been able to do in the past. This just keeps me stuck in one place. A little annoying and critical voice inside my head immediately talks me out of doing anything too challenging. Doubt and fear keep my reasons alive for why I cannot do it. My most pressing issue is time. I tell myself that I don’t have time for it. And that is how I have been conducting myself in my career.

Why? Fear of failure. Fear that I will not be able to achieve everything I said I will do. Not following through on my commitments. What this really means is that I am more committed to not failing than I am to succeeding. How ridiculous is that?

So I decided to pay attention to my actions and take notice when I begin to hold myself back from bigger commitments. And than I take on whatever the opportunity is to take on and I look for areas in my routine where I can expand myself. Instead of just calling 5 business contacts today, how about I call 10? Instead of just one painting a week, how about three? With more on my plate, there is a chance that I might fail more often. But that is the whole point. More failures just mean that I am playing out more and taking bigger risks. Bigger risks mean bigger rewards and faster results. Expanding further will allow for more opportunity for breakthroughs and exciting new business prospects.

One of the breakthroughs that I have always needed in my work was completing projects that I started and finishing work quickly. Since I began to distinguish where I am holding myself back, I have become much more productive and effective in my workflow. At the end of the day, I am actually satisfied with what I have accomplished. I am able to accomplish more than ever. I was able to finish 2 illustrations in one week. That is something I have never been able to do before.

Here are some questions you can start considering:
Instead of, “what can I do?” Reframe from using the word “Can” in your speech if at all possible. Instead ask yourself, “What do I know how to do?” and “What have I not done yet?”
It’s all in the language.

Where in your life have you been stopped? Where are you holding yourself back? What are you really committed to? Examine where you might need to step out of your comfort zone and take a chance.

You can find out more about Diana by visiting http://dianalevinart.com/

Last night was the reason I’m in L.A.  It’s the reason I do what I do, the reason I left my day job, the reason I put up with all the heartache, the rejection, the closed doors.

I performed my stand-up routine at a comedy club for the first time.  It went better than I could have hoped.  I beat out eight other comics for the top spot in their “Fresh Faces” contest, and will be moving on to Round 2 next month.  I nailed my set, and got compliments from both the host and the club owner.

It’s feeling like something could happen.  Soon.

It also reminded me of why I wanted to torture myself by pursuing the stand-up route in the first place.  It’s one of most people’s greatest fears.  Hell – it’s always been one of mine.  Yeah – the acclaim is nice.  And if I end up taking home some prize money, that would be swell, too.  But if that was all it was, I don’t think it would be enough.

I live to hear people laugh.  There’s no greater sound in the world.  Even if I’m not relating my own material – if I’m retelling a joke or sharing a web short – it gives me an incredible feeling to be either directly or indirectly responsible for inducing that sound.  For inspiring merriment.  For letting people forget for a few moments or more all of their own personal heartache, rejection and closed doors, and allowing them to be simply joyful.

Last night, that whole audience was in stitches.  And sure – part of it was my ego enjoying the rush.  But mainly, I was just thrilled to be able to make that many individuals laugh at the same time.

I’m hooked.  Now that this terrifying experience is out of the way, I feel wholly unencumbered and ready to do just about anything; to perform just about anywhere.

Laughter is infectious, yes.  But the act of causing others to laugh?  There hasn’t been an ointment invented that can clear up that contagion.

You can follow Todd and read more about his progress on his blog: www.discardthelard.blogspot.com.  You can also check out his novel ‘The Wellspring’ at www.thewellspringbook.com.

I am a planner.  It’s in my nature.  I get a sense of security out of planning; I like to feel that I’m in control and I hold my future in my own hands.  I’m good at planning.  I like to imagine what’s ahead of me and I can spend hours online doing research.  Although I like adventures & surprises, I’m not a very impulsive person.  I will weigh every side of a decision and ask everyone I know for advice before choosing.  When plans get cancelled or interrupted, it throws me off – my pulse goes up, my mind whirls, and my deodorant fails me.  It’s not a pretty sight.

However, sometimes life steps in with a plan all its own, one you never saw coming.  And sometimes you have to say yes when everything inside you is screaming out a panicked, fearful NO.  And sometimes, no, scratch that – usually – that change of plan is exactly what you need.

I’ve been freaking out lately because life threw me a curve ball.  I had come to terms with never making a living as an actor and leaving LA.  I’d explored other job and lifestyle options I might enjoy and had honestly gotten excited about them.  I was ready to close the door on this somewhat disappointing chapter of my life, when all of a sudden, out of the blue, I got a part in a movie.  I wanted to scream.  Really???!?!?  Why NOW??!?!?!?  I knew I wanted to say yes to this opportunity but oh, what about moving on?  What about all those lovely plans I’d made?  It was like an ex-boyfriend, one that hadn’t treated me very well, came begging back, with some grand romantic gesture.  The movie industry was holding a boombox under my window… “In your eyes…”

I half wanted to move anyway, just out of sheer stubbornness.  Part of me actually wished the opportunity had never come up so that I didn’t have to make a decision.  I had already given up my apartment and my job, and sold all my furniture.  Staying didn’t even make sense.  But underneath all the fear and the struggle for self control that was crying out “no!” was my gut instinct, buried and muffled but clearly shouting an exuberant “YES!!!”

I stayed in LA and took the part.  It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.

Filming went better than I could’ve imagined, and it reminded me why I love acting in the first place.  After years of hard work and little to no validation, suddenly I was the talk of the set.  I was the no-name, the “wild card,” the one everyone expected to suck… and then didn’t.  All the years of frustration – spending money on classes and full-time hours submitting and auditioning – paid off in that one moment.  And that little gut voice grew stronger and louder: this is what I’ve been working for.  I love this.  I belong here.

If I hadn’t let myself say yes to this opportunity, if I’d let fear and stubbornness take over, I would’ve left LA never knowing that I had this potential in me.  I would never have known what I was capable of.  My grand plans of only one month ago – even one week ago! – have been scrapped.  I’m sleeping on couches and don’t know when I won’t be anymore.  I’m living out of a suitcase.  I am taking things one day at a time.  And it’s hard.  It’s hell hard to wake up not knowing what the day will bring, or where I’ll be next week.  But it’s also exciting.  I’m saying yes.

My gut was screaming at me to get out of the way & just say yes already!  What’s your gut telling you to say yes to?

To follow Nikki and her “True Hollywood Story” check out:  www.gratefulsparrow.blogspot.com

The Grateful Sparrow