Navigating your Naysayers
Naysayers are an unpleasant, but necessary part of life and they come in all shapes and sizes. Without Naysayers we might do things that truly ARE unwise or dangerous to ourselves. Though they can be a completely unnecessary distraction, sometimes Naysayers are actually the Voices of Reason that we need in times of great indecision. Sometimes Naysayers are able to hold a mirror up to our deeds and allow us to see ourselves truly as we are. The trick is to navigate them and identify which ones can be useful to you and which ones can’t.
I would break them down into a few categories:
The Well Meaning Naysayers:
Well eaning Naysayers are people like your parents (if you have healthy relationship with them), who REALLY do care about your well being and the outcome of the risks you take - in fact its THEIR JOB to do so. These well meaning Naysayers can also be best friends, siblings, cousins, etc. Sometimes they can see things you can’t and may want to speak to you out of experience. I would remain open to their judgement, but don’t let it deter you if you feel you’ve done your homework, have passion for what you are about to embark upon and are resolute in charging ahead.
The Pessimists:
Pessimists aren’t shooting your ideas down just for fun. Pessimists just don’t believe anything good happens all that often or that dreams come true much. These aren’t bad guys, they just have a different world view. A frank conversation with a Pessimist every now and then can serve as devil’s advocate and help you determine what makes sense, sorting through what is and isn’t working about your various business ideas…so don’t shoo them away completely.
The Negative Ninnys:
These guys are more dangerous, but easy to spot! The Negative Ninnys are the people that shoot your ideas down or verbally sabotage your goals, dreams, aspirations just because they CAN. There may be many reasons behind this. Sometimes they are just unhappy themselves. Sometimes, they regret not having accomplished something they had hoped to and sometimes they just don’t want anyone to be happy. Whatever the reason — You have to BE VERY CAREFUL of these types. They can be disguised as a good friend, a colleague, etc. No matter what you share with them about your plans, they always seem to have something to say to rain on your parade. Don’t let them! Once you’ve identified the Negative Ninnys in your world you have a couple of choices…either don’t deal with them anymore or know who they are and take everything they say with a grain of salt. Be well prepared to counter every argument they put forth and eventually they’ll give up. Without the fuel of successfully deterring you, Negative Ninnys will realize in time that you are not an easy target and move on.
The Inner Naysayer:
And lastly, by far the most dangerous Naysayer - is the Inner Naysayer
The little voice inside you that is sure you’re on a date with doom. Like I wrote about in the last Escape Hatch entry “Finding the Why Behind the Lie”, you have to do your own inner searching to determine why fears arise and sort through whether those fears are justified or not. Only you can do this work and only you can counteract your Inner Naysayer by resolving the things that the Naysayer brings to light if you think they have validity. If you don’t believe the issues that the Inner Naysayer puts forth are valid then you simply have to learn that certain fears will arise again and again until you’ve somewhat mastered your own confidence about a certain idea or perceived shortcoming.
With a little practice over time you can learn to identify Naysayers and navigate them. Use the well meaning and pessimistic Naysayers as a litmus test for whether your ideas will fly. Avoid Negative Ninnys at all costs or stand up to them so that they understand your position and back down. Lastly, learn to listen to your Inner Naysayer and sift through what is truth, what can be modified, what is just an old fear rearing its head and what can be overcome. In no time you’ll be navigating clearly and relying on your own best judgement to get moving forward.